Out of Smiles
by Innocent-Youth
Summary: The woman Peeta had planned to die for didn't survive the Hunger Games. Unfortunately, he did and by doing so, charming, kind Peeta has run out of smiles. Rated T for language and themes/depression. AU/OOC. One Shot.
1. Part 1

**A/N: Welcome, welcome, to my very first Hunger Games fanfic. As much as I love the books and the characters, I'm always hesitant to write for a fandom I haven't written for before. It's always so easy to keep writing for the characters you know, but this idea randomly entered my brain and it would not leave. So I decided to give it a shot and I hope you like it, even though it doesn't have the kind of ending I usually write.**

**Disclaimer: I wish the HG were mine. But happily for you, they're not or I would've kept Peeta all to myself. This plot however does belong to me.**

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**Out of Smiles**

Part I

Peeta wakes up with a gasp, immediately sitting up in the unfamiliar bed, in the unfamiliar room. He's ready for a fight until he recognizes the interior of the train. He's not in danger. Not physically anyway. In his mind, however, he's drowning.

He can't remember the district he visited today or where he's headed. The train takes him from one place to the next, every stop bringing a new round of festivities thrown in his honor, the victor of the seventy-fourth Hunger Games. He despises it. He shouldn't have been the one standing there. He was going to die for her. The plan was that _he_ would die for _her_ and she would survive. Why couldn't she ever stick to a damn plan?

The sight of her last few moments alive haunt him, day and night, though the nights are the worst. The way she'd been giving him one of those beautiful yet rare smiles one moment, her eyes wide in shock the next as she coughed up blood, the tip of a knife sticking out of her stomach.

He didn't even remember breaking Cato's neck. He did it in a fit of rage, pure rage and hatred. Just a second and the damn bastard was dead.

Katniss, however, had to suffer for a while longer. He sat by her, holding her closely, all the time repeating how he loved her and how he didn't want her to leave. He couldn't let her go, not even after the cannon fired and someone happily announced him victor.

He refused to let go of her body, probably sat there for hours, until eventually one of the hovercrafts just picked him up with Katniss's limp body locked in his arms. They injected him with a sedative the moment he boarded and he was out within seconds. When he woke up, she was gone. Forever.

He gets out of the bed, even though it's only 3AM, but he knows he won't get any more sleep tonight. He decides to take a shower so he can safely fall apart and let his tears mingle with the clear water. Just to torture himself a little more, he pushes the button so the scent of her shampoo fills the room. For a brief moment, he can smell her and a smile graces his lips. Then he crumbles.

When Effie knocks on his door in the morning announcing a busy day, he pulls himself together. He's glad for his prep team, knowing they'll make him look at least somewhat presentable. All the crowd wants is him smiling and waving at them. And that's exactly what he does for the remainder of the tour, though his smiles never reach his eyes anymore.


	2. Part 2

**A/N: Second and last part of this short fanfic. Poor Peeta.**

**Disclaimer: I wish the HG were mine. But happily for you, they're not or I would've kept Peeta all to myself. This plot however does belong to me.**

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**Out of Smiles**

Part II

Peeta wakes up with a gasp, immediately sitting up in the unfamiliar bed, in the unfamiliar room. He's ready for a fight until he recognizes the interior to be of some random Capitol room. He doesn't remember whose it is, just that she has orange skin. Skin he saw too much of last night.

He gets out of bed and walks over to the bottle of liquor, waiting for him on a side table. He pours himself a ridiculously decorated glass and takes a large gulp of his drink. He never asks for much, just a separate bedroom to retreat to and booze. He's turned into a combination of Finnick and Haymitch and he despises himself.

It's his third year as a mentor, his primary reason for being in the Capitol. He understands Haymitch a whole lot better these days. The boy and girl from District 12 that were reaped this year are both only twelve years old. Unlike with Prim, nobody volunteered for them. They don't stand a chance.

He grieves all day, every day, ever since he got out of that arena. But in a way, he's glad Katniss died when she did. She won't have to go through this. She won't have to sell her body, won't have to watch kids die. Even though the image of the knife sticking out of her still haunts him every single night, he realizes now that she had to suffer for a few minutes instead of her entire life.

She won't have to spend the rest of her life being terrified about every single move she makes because the Capitol might kill her family if they don't like what she's doing. That's the only reason he hasn't given up yet; it's the only way he can protect Prim. He'd refused doing this in the first year of his mentoring and his family died in a fire in the bakery. Prim and her mother would've been next.

To protect her family like Katniss used to do is the least he can do for the love of his life, after failing to protect her in the arena, after failing to return her home. With that thought, he finishes his drink and gets up. He takes a long shower and cleans his body thoroughly but he still feels dirty afterward.

There's money on the table, together with a bunch of ridiculous presents. He takes them with him, planning on giving them to Prim when he returns home, and slams the door roughly as he leaves the house. The Peacekeeper assigned to escort him leads him to a car and he's off to the training centre.

It's the last day of training for the tributes. Tomorrow, he'll pretend for the sake of those kids that he's not disgusted by the Capitol people, jabbering on about how much they loved it when he killed Katniss's murderer, to get them sponsors. Hell, he'll even try to use some of that good old charm that's buried somewhere deep inside him, if it can help them. But he won't smile, because he's long forgotten how to do it.


End file.
